Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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