ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
