discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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