It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
