I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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