Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
