I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
