Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
