To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
there is puke in my bra ... again
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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