I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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