so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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