I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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