And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
