When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
