Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
