It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
