Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
