i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
