Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
