i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
