I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
where are you?
Hypothermia
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
