He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
