Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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