is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
