you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
