She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
