There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
His nipple licking is glorious
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