he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
