A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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