i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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