The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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