my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
