How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
handjob tips. give me some.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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