there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
