we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
