she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
