there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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