guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
