i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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