I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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