i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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