Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
