Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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