And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
