yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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