I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
