Porn is love you can see.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
