Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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