If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
