Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
