anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
